Friday, July 18, 2014

Bo Dogly Speaks

 Resisting the urge to go down to the Murk and order a stiff drink. Actually, I only drink sherry in Paris with elderly French PartisansI

I'll probably wind up dead in the damn dusty desert tweeting on my belly like a reptile.

Sometimes your intestines tell you: "This is not a drill!" 

I suppose universe and crits doing silent bidding on my art pieces but my furry, old man ear hairs filters it out. I go:"What, what?"

You didn't have to go to West Point or the Citadel to know that clown noses issued at Stalingrad would have saved some noses. deep 

I avoid fighting with wifey because it usually involves me shaking my angry stick at the sky while I get nuked from low Earth orbit. 

Just realized novel I'm writing has no reference to popular social media, life a bubble, fiction a bubble

Dear Mr. President. @BarackObama. If the word filters up to you about me jumping naked out of the cake, kindly do not warn the First Lady

My Twitter anxiety is because I'm like an old, licked out Kool Aid packet, they had me and then the moment was over.

If you get writer's block (which I don't.. sorry) don't sweat it. Take a break and have a snack, just don't have a candy bar, have a pickle.

 If Texas Senator Ted Cruz had wings he'd be a flying anus

"Profit thee to run shrieking, naked, into the wilderness of small and large bitey things and sunburn? Maybe not." (Silly question.. you could trip and fall into a tiger pit although just landing on a peach pit is bad enough. Literally dozens of bad things could happen, at least 10 I can think up at the moment if I think deeply. Not too deeply ere my forehead drops to the table)

I have upset the orderly flow of the universe, I drooled on the dog! I must atone

Wife picking on our cat Creamy, she called him a fraud: "OK, Creamora!"

I could use some glasses, I lost mine. A minute ago, I thought I got mooned by a happy face.

Cave woman sees husband coming home: Oh look, kids, mighty hunter bringing us dinner. What's that, a geriatric mouse?  

 Wonder if I could hire some mice to obey my every command? I'd stand tall then, proud. OK, mouse, this is how it is going to be.. then I'd think up something good. I wouldn't actually have to hire a mouse, my cat has a mouse catch and release program, she catches them outside and releases them into our home. Thank you cat.

Thinking how I could give a fly a thought problem end result being I benefit in spite of the best interests of the fly. #outsmartedbyfly  Please donate sugar!

A nice big fan is always a thoughtful accommodation when having sex. It just does not have to be a 42 inch Tube-axial fan from Boeing. 
Twice now, I've inadvertently cut through live wires with scissors. That loud crack and the brilliant flash of light discomforts greatly

 Eagle feather floats out of the sky and sticks perfectly in the hair of the tiny First Nation girl

The bunny sugar is on the ears!


 No nude male skin divers in the giant clam beds!

May the LAPD cite your orthodontist for harboring beavers!

May you be very hungry and drop your last bran muffin in the camel's pen! 

Not true that Ex-President Jerry Ford was so clumsy on the slopes
"That his wife, Betty Ford, waxed his skis with Preparation H

 The carrot or the stick" What is a bad offer from a sex offender?

Not true that Richard Nixon could store 90 days of food aid to the tiny nation of Bonga de Bonga in his jowls

I think my dentist is too young. How young is he? He has to wear a back brace to stay out of the fetal position
 Avoid the budget vacation to Macalackawacka, that's where the big green snake bite off my testicles (grew right back)

If your host offers you skunk weed, don't be a knucklehead and get even by blowing into the pipe instead to sucking on it. That would be rude and a fire hazard. (Editor's note, this quote may not remain long)

I was Blessed early in life from a Higher Power, a BIRD, actually.  What kind of Bird?  I can not tell you.  It was large, had yellow feet, and, if you got too close, gave you a creepy look that said; Back off!

 Why did I decide to become a man of the cloth, you ask?  Why is easy, so I could Bless you, that's why.  Bless you!  WHEN I decided is a little more difficult to pin down.  I think it was when I was up in Alaska, warming myself over some fresh bear droppings.  It was nasty cold and the chill winds were blowing in through the holes in my pants.  Life seemed dire and, in fact, it was.  My matches were wet and I knew there was at least one bear I couldn't count on in the immediate future.

Ah, to survive, to survive, that was key!  And then?  Like magic, a hole opened up in the clouds and a thin ray of sunshine streamed down upon a chipmunk, who, laughing in chipmunk, alerted me to it's presence.  Food and warmth, I thought, a double header.  I made a grab for the little bugger but missed then claimed the sunshine as my own.  Ha Ha, the blessings flowed that day, let me tell ya. 

  would be of higher social worth if he just farted in elevators and smashed whiskey bottles in kiddie pools.

 I still say and will always say that whoever invented Turduken, a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey, should be horsewhipped

Not using toilet paper or something of similar efficacy such as mullin leaves or your neighbor's white velour sofa is anti-social. 

The fastest, strongest, lightest, and possibly cheapest small to medium boat that you can make yourself, you will make by the "stitch and glue" method. Use marine plywood only and seal the edges while you're at it.

The so called Tea Party hates cool tech like high speed #railroads . Here's some tech they might like. Before jamming that soda bottle up your butt, shake it up for #rocket effect!! Be a star on the right!!

Oh what I would give for a slice of Grandma's juneberry pie!

Damn. Dad had lib. named for him, Grace a school, CLR, foundations, libraries and God knows what! Me? a bird! Just a bird!

 Had to tell my friend from Jordan that Americans love Bedouins. I certainly do. Their honor is worth more to them then gold.

 Like to tease my Arab friends. Back in the day, we'd hang out in the somewhat posh Pavilions in Sacramento, outside drinking coffee. I'd throw some sand down on the table and accuse them of tracking it in from the middle-east. Then, to be funny, I'd tell them that the Mossad was over here trying to get it back!! Even the dust from their feet evidently belongs to the Neo-Cons. 

Never forget first time at the helm in the wheel house of the Pacific Harvester headed for the Bering Sea from Seattle, Washington. First Mate turns to me and asks: "Where you headed, Los Angeles?"

 Got some really tasty non GMO cereal here.. a bit pricy. I know if I go far enough back in my cupboard, I could find non GMO sugar pops

Founding fathers here in the USA? Yes. but behind many of them were founding mothers telling them how to not be stupid.

 Returned WWII Vets would take one look at the so called "teaparty" and see Brown Shirts. I call them the Tea Party Passives

What do you do when your best friend the flower dies? What do you do at the funeral? Bring flowers?

 If Juan Valdez thought about nipples while picking Colombian Coffee, maybe his day would be a bit nicer.
Disturb a daddy long legs, they start this (not) crazy rocking motion. If I did that to people who disturbed me, some would go running!

Drafted, sent to Fort Wayne, top scorer, got royal treatment for week at Detroit hotel, own room with color TV, talked to General, got to wear PANTS, sent home 1A Armyof1 (I never took a student deferment, seemed unfair). Not only the smartest, but the fastest!. I brag. Actually some of the credit goes to Marty Glaberman who left giant foot prints on American and world history.

Haha, I drive a Chevy Recall. The Recall, now that's a name! You can pay me later.

Charles #kochbrothers has an over sized ego which you tend to get when you inherit a lot of #money   . Naturally, there is the down side, he can't, for example just naked sunbathe on the beach, someone may see that he's lacking and you can't even tell if he  has balls or is wearing a flesh colored swim suit.. and you can't just tell the world that you, Charlie Koch, back in 92, scooted up in the bathtub and a bar of French soap slipped up your butt. That would be news!  What would the other, Austrian School of "Economics" (haha) chums say about that?

Ideally, you'd take your dull tool and perform a different task that sharpens it. Pay me later!

Electricity is dangerous, you could trip on a welding cable!

 White peckerwood boy militias want to be useful, go and citizen arrest cops that murder black men on the streets.


Lying Paul Ryan pretending to wash a clean pan 

 What iz it?
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